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Friday, January 18, 2008
And now..I've finally gotten past the FIRST week of school. Damn, FOURTEEN more of this??!!!It's been quite a week indeed. That talk with my parents yet again and their suggestion that i see a psychologist because i'm ABNORMAL bugs the hell out of me. Firstly, just because i've decided to come to terms with my own sexuality after nearly a decade of hiding in fear and guilt of my own feelings doesnt mean that i'm any less of a human than anyone else is.In fact, i'd like to think that people like me, who have come out to others who hold the utmost importance in their hearts are worth more so now than before.At the very least, we've got the COURAGE and SELF-WORTH to come to terms with it and not leave in constant denial. I know that it may seem too much of a blow to you, but i hope that you'll eventually come to accept me for who i am, if not for the fact that you're my parents, that you've brought me up for 19 odd years now.Speaking of which, i really don't understand why you believe so much in that dumb, cliched maxim of yours. That one can only slowly learn to do good in 3 years and yet, can undo all of that learning in just 3 days. WHAT CRAP!!!If you're CONCERNED enough for the past 5 years or so, you, as my parents, WOULD HAVE noticed that i wasnt happy being who i was and that it was all forced camaraderie. You WOULD'NT have automatically ASSUMED that my friends from UNIVERSITY led me astray just because of the MERE COINCIDENCE that i've decided to come out to you this year.Would YOU have been so encouraging of my JC friends if i'd come out in my final year then? FOOLS!!!How many gazillion times do i need to explain to you? I reinstate once again that i truly do understand your shock and utter disappointment, guilt and shame, even, for having me, your child, as a lesbian. But am i less of a human than YOU?If you can think out of that TINY, MINISCULE window of yours, and see that the world is more diverse than you'd have thought, and that many things are fluid and flexible, perhaps you'd realise that I, as your daughter, has indeed matured into a THINKING, RATIONAL adult, and it's not a fucking PHASE, as it may seem to you.You said that i'm the root of all the problems that have been surfacing recently, i say bullshit.It's your lack of adaptibility and stubborness that's making life so difficult for all of us. It's not as if i havent tried to level with you, you just wouldn't listen.Get out, didnt you say to me?Fine, i'll get out of your lives once i'm financially able to.I swear. And yes, maybe i SHOULD go see a psychologist/psychiatrist because you drive me up the wall. And no, i didnt choose to be on this route.God made me who i am. YOU made me who i am.So who's to blame? Me or you?~ti amo
7:34 AM