Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Looking back to my post of a year ago, I realise that I've grown up. As a person, I mean.
I HAVE let my parents down and what touched me the most is the amount of parental love the same noble people who gave life to me have continued showering me with, despite the countless times that I have gone against them and slammed their own words right in their faces.
Dad, mummy, I'm sorry.
Other words simply escape me - nothing can express the amount of remorse I feel for what I've done. I just wish that there could be some way to reimburse them of their pain. When I see how much my mum has aged in just the last couple of years, or how my dad's condition has worsened, I ask myself over and over again, is this all worth it?
The short answer is of course a resounding NO.
But as with most other problems, I face a fierce dilemma and am at a loss for words, ideas, solutions. How do I get my life back on track and confront the problem? I kow it's there, people tell me it's there, but WHY can't I just bloody get rid of it?
I'm standing in between 2 walls, each with a 50 inch, razor-sharp point staring point-blank, back at me. Any closer and I'll be crushed to death. I can't breathe.
You say you love me, but do you, really?
I'm tired of being the one who's always there, to always catch you when you fall, be there to assist when you're in trouble, coax you when you're in one of those moods.
I'm sick of feeling terribly alone, even though you're right next to me.
Just feeling jaded.
6:29 AM
